Mulheres Ricas, week 4

Disclaimer: I’m not normally a mean-spirited person. But I feel that if a person offers herself or himself up on television for something as talentless as being rich, I get to make fun of that person. So if you feel any loyalty to one or more of the cast members on this show, you may want to skip these posts. I don’t want you to think I’m a bad person.

Before we get into this week’s episode, I want to talk about an article I read in “Contigo” magazine. It was a cover story about Narcisa. First, in it she declares that she is very healthy and doesn’t drink very much. Considering the scenes in the first episode in which she is so wasted she could barely walk, she much have decided to stop the extreme drinking after she saw how ridiculous she looks drunk on television.

More interesting is that the article listed the ages of each Mulheres Ricas. I must say, I was surprised at these “ages” and wondered if they are real or simply “declared” ages.

Narcisa (for some reason her name in the article is spelled Narciza?) is 45. I can see this, as heavy drugs mixed with too much plastic surgery will definitely make you look older.

Val is listed as being 37. I’m not sure I believe this, but who knows. With all the makeup she wears, there could be a gorilla under there.

Brunete is listed at being 48. This one surprised me. I put Brunete at late 50’s or early 60’s for sure. Yes, her forehead is without a single wrinkle, I’m sure thanks to botox, but there’s something about her features that is aging her immensely, if she really is 48.

Deborah is listed as 43. Ok, well, Deborah looks as though she’s been, to borrow an old cowboy term, “rode hard and put away wet.” So maybe she’s 43, but she looks closer to 50.

I forgot to write down Lydia’s age, but it was mid-forties. She also looks much older than this. I put her at mid 50’s.

So again, I pose the question, if these women have the money and access to the best plastic surgeons in the world, what the hell happened? What scares me the most is the possibility that some of this is caused by Sao Paulo pollution. I know that I’ve aged rapidly since we’ve arrived.

On to this week’s disaster…

The ladies are preparing to go to Buenos Aires. This concept is directly stolen from Bravo’s Real Housewives series, where they, in most recent episodes of each series, send the women to fight with each other in a new city or country as a change of scenery for the viewer. Mulheres Ricas, thankfully, doesn’t go there, though there is plenty of interesting commentary in the side interviews.

Brunete packs her bag under the series of huge pictures of herself taken, based on her declared age, at least twenty years ago (but I think far more). The Barbie doll she dressed up to look like her (she just had someone make a Barbie dress copy out of one of her own dresses, I’m quite sure Mattel is not involved), stands next to her bed. Again, I think I want to like Brunete until she inevitably shows me that I don’t.

Narcisa has a spa day to prepare for the Buenos Aires trip. This scene really makes me wonder if Narcisa is constantly on something, or she is just full-fledged crazy. She’s always yelling and waving her arms around. Perhaps one is a result of the other. A new phrase I’ve learned from Narcisa – “Aye, que delicia.” She says it all the time. See how good this show is for my Portuguese? I love how Narcisa wears her earrings during her spa treatment. Brazilian women never seem to leave the house without earrings.

Deborah goes to buy clothes for her trip to Buenos Aires. Yawn.

All the woman are talking about how chic Buenos Aires is. Is this true? I’ve never been, I’ve heard it’s a nice city, but really chic?

Val is the first to arrive in Buenos Aires. Amongst the many stupid things she says to her constant companion, her makeup artist, one is that Argentina has good champagne. There is no champagne made in Argentina. They make espumantes. The only wine makers that produce champagne are those located in the French region of Champagne. Here this entire time I’m thinking that Val is guzzling champagne, when she probably just downing prosecco. The other notable stupid, delusional thing that Val says is that she, Val, is the Evita of Brazil. We know now that the producers actually have a sense of humor, because they allow Val’s “friends” to comment on this. The only one who agrees to this statement is the makeup artist. And why wouldn’t he? He’s on a free trip to Buenos Aires and full of espumante thanks to Val.

Val goes shopping with a different friend. I’ll have to admit, she tried on a red dress that really did look amazing on her – except for her abnormally wide, football player neck. (Tranny.)

Val finally meets up with Narcisa and Brunete for more shopping. I am wondering at this point if Deborah’s husband has stopped her from going on the trip. There’s a much greater chance of Deborah running off with another man in a big city like Buenos Aires than in Val’s (borrowed) house on her (borrowed) boat in Angra. At the mall, the giant, thick-necked Val stopped the teeny-tiny Brunete from having some chocolate because she declared they all should stay skinny.

In the shopping mall, Narcisa begins to sign autographs. I am really missing something here. Why is she always signing autographs? Does anyone know? What has she done that would justify someone showing off her autograph to someone else.

Oh wait, now Val is demanding French champagne at a cafe in the mall. Based on her earlier statement, I’m confused. Does she think France is in Argentina? She did mention how European Argentina is. And I get even more confused because Narcisa is claiming (as she did in the magazine article) she doesn’t drink (much). Despite the fact that we’ve seen her drink quite a bit so far.  Right? Haven’t we? Or is it just because she always acts like she’s intoxicated that I’ve been assuming she’s loaded. No, I’ve definitely seen her drink. In fact, she drinks at dinner, dinner where Val freaks out at the waiter for trying to serve her some cured pork because, from what I made out, that food is for poor people. Looks like Val’s issue run quite deep.

Lydia’s daughter Jessica gets a tattoo, and I’m guessing her gun-weilding mother is going to be none too happy about (though I could be surprised). I feel bad for Jessica because her mother always seem to be yelling at her.

Narcisa, Val and Brunete hit the artist neighborhood of B.A. (Every side interview Narcisa does, she ends with a creepy Joker-from-Batman smile. It’s starting to really unnerve me.)

Narcisa, Val and Brunete are still strolling through B.A. Narcisa and Brunete want to get their photos taken at a cutout of a couple dancing tango, the kind where you stick your face into a scene. They want Val to participate, but the “photographer” keeps touching Val’s face and she/he freaks out. Well, of course she/he does! She/he’s got like two inches of makeup on that face. And her/his little makeup artist side kick is no where in sight!

Narcisa and Brunete sit down to get a caricature done on the street. Val gets mad because she’s jonesing for some champagne and she’s worried about ruining her Chanel boots on the brick roadway. Question – if she buys airplanes like she buys dresses, why is she worried about ruining a pair of shoes? She also questioned the price of a dress the day before. Hmmm… might we presume that Val is not as wildly rich as she likes to make everyone believe? But here is the funniest thing. The caricature artist is drawing his sketch, and at this point we don’t know which one it is supposed to be, but it is FAR from flattering. We found out that BOTH sketches are very similar and not pretty.  Narcisa and Brunete, two women who have giant photos of themselves from their twenties plastered all over their apartments, pretend to tell the artist how lovely his absolutely, totally unflattering sketches are. Holy hell. The producers obviously cut out the part where Narcisa and Brunete beat him senseless with their designer purses. Narcisa gets progressively more wasted during her side interviews.

Deborah still hasn’t shown up. Val makes some rude comment about how Deborah drinks beer. Again.

Finally, we get to Lydia. Jessica, obviously the fruit of a loveless former relationship,  tells Lydia via phone that she has a present for her. While Jessica was getting her tattoo, I kind of caught that the design has something to do with her mother or the family. At this point, I’m hoping that poor Jessica’s misguided intentions work out for her. But alas…

Then Lydia has lunch with some guy, I didn’t catch exactly who he was – her lawyer? The guy that bribes political entities for her? Not sure. But she bitches about all the parking/traffic fines she has to pay for. She also bitches about poor Jessica and threatens to make her take the bus. Sorry Lydia, but if Jessica approaches driving without enough responsibility, it’s your fault. You raised her… didn’t you? (or maybe a bad-driving baba?) Lydia decides that now, now that Jessica is like in her twenties, she is going to set limits. Poor Jessica just wants her mother to love her and now she’s going to have to take the bus. Plus, what up? Don’t they have a driver? Oh wait, there he is.

Back in B.A. – oh wait! Deborah was there the entire time! She just was making up excuses not to meet up with them! She was there for a truck race. Narcisa and Brunete go to the race. Val doesn’t show up, but she might of had she known that Deborah was going to win a big bottle of… that’s right… you got it… champagne!