Brazilian Challenge Day 108: Gyno

Yes, sadly, I’ve been in the country a year and nine months and I still had not been to see a gynecologist.

The first thing I thought after I got the appointment (that my husband made for me) with this female doctor was – “Do I need to get a Brazilian bikini wax to see my Brazilian gynecologist?” Listen, if it were a male gyno, I could care less. It’s their job and it’s not like I’m going to date him. But with a woman…. I pictured some annoyingly well-manicured, beautiful Brazilian doctor with a big, fat Gucci medical bag judging my privates. I seriously debated this waxing procedure with myself for days. But it being close to the winter season and all, I figured the return wasn’t worth the time and pain. Or humiliation. So I did some basic manicuring and headed over to the office.

I had little to worry about. Not to be cruel to this lovely woman, but she could have been a very large man in a very large blonde wig. And it turns out she is Spanish. No offense to my European peeps, but your grooming habits tend to be less intense than the Brazilians.

Only down side was, although I was assured she spoke English, she really didn’t. In fact, right before I stepped in the office, I hear the receptionist ask her, in Portuguese, if she spoke English. She responded with “Mais ou menos.” (More or less.) Well, since I’m not passing out English proficiency tests, it’s always a crap shoot.

The rest of it was a smooth ride. I must say, this was the quickest and least unpleasant visit I’ve ever had. Then, when I sat at her desk post-exam, she handed me a paper… with 23 tests that I needed to get at the local clinic (?) and return with the results.

It’s all good. I’m certain that I actually need all of the tests since she is the first real medical doctor I’ve actually seen (if you don’t count an acupuncturist and an allergist). But I won’t worry so much about vagina maintenance next time. (Did you really think I was going to get through the entire post without using the “v” word?)

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15 Responses to Brazilian Challenge Day 108: Gyno

  1. I prefer yoni. 🙂

    I’m a little nervous about this. I know I need to go, but I don’t like doctors even in my culture/language.

  2. Congrats! I found a guy who spoke english, but would have preferred a woman. Since it was winter when I went, I was very grateful for his space heater in the exam room. Let me know if they send you for a bone density test – I got one of those and some weird heart tests as well.

  3. Alice Sopik Steyn says:

    LOL, you are brave, I keep putting this off and I think my ol gyne is now in some old age home dreaming of vaginas or something! Putting it off till I get to SA in July and I suppose I will put it off again too!
    I think it’s good to get all the other tests …. they find funny things or nothing :))

  4. Laura Ingalls wouldn’t use the v word. Just saying, just saying . . . (God I’m turning into a prude)

  5. Sam says:

    I think this is one of those horrible rites of passages involved in living in another culture that ends up being fun to read about. Congrats for making it out safe and sound 🙂

  6. Becky says:

    OMG so I am totally dreading this whole experience myself. My husband keeps telling me to get it done and over with, but I’m going back stateside in little over a month, so I am thinking I’m just going to wait. He’s right though, I need to start officializing this whole “move to Brazil” thing. It’s been a year in May for me!!!

    • This adaptation thing is not quite as easy as one might think. There are so many things that are twice as difficult to do both because of language and fear of culture. It kind of wears on you after awhile. But be brave!! Once you get over the hump of terror, it gets easier. Good luck!

  7. Danielle says:

    I’m totally on the other side of the argument here. I think it’s way better if they don’t speak English. Then you can pretend you speak less Portuguese than you do (or, ya know, not pretend), and you don’t have to make horrible, horrible small talk.

  8. Pingback: Brazilian Challenge Day 164: Post Exam Discussion | born again brazilian

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