Yes, sadly, I’ve been in the country a year and nine months and I still had not been to see a gynecologist.
The first thing I thought after I got the appointment (that my husband made for me) with this female doctor was – “Do I need to get a Brazilian bikini wax to see my Brazilian gynecologist?” Listen, if it were a male gyno, I could care less. It’s their job and it’s not like I’m going to date him. But with a woman…. I pictured some annoyingly well-manicured, beautiful Brazilian doctor with a big, fat Gucci medical bag judging my privates. I seriously debated this waxing procedure with myself for days. But it being close to the winter season and all, I figured the return wasn’t worth the time and pain. Or humiliation. So I did some basic manicuring and headed over to the office.
I had little to worry about. Not to be cruel to this lovely woman, but she could have been a very large man in a very large blonde wig. And it turns out she is Spanish. No offense to my European peeps, but your grooming habits tend to be less intense than the Brazilians.
Only down side was, although I was assured she spoke English, she really didn’t. In fact, right before I stepped in the office, I hear the receptionist ask her, in Portuguese, if she spoke English. She responded with “Mais ou menos.” (More or less.) Well, since I’m not passing out English proficiency tests, it’s always a crap shoot.
The rest of it was a smooth ride. I must say, this was the quickest and least unpleasant visit I’ve ever had. Then, when I sat at her desk post-exam, she handed me a paper… with 23 tests that I needed to get at the local clinic (?) and return with the results.
It’s all good. I’m certain that I actually need all of the tests since she is the first real medical doctor I’ve actually seen (if you don’t count an acupuncturist and an allergist). But I won’t worry so much about vagina maintenance next time. (Did you really think I was going to get through the entire post without using the “v” word?)