Working it Out

With my work visa allegedly around the corner, I promised my husband I would look for at least a part-time job (something about me not being able to verbally communicate with other adult humans anymore).

However, all I really want to do is write and hang out with my daughter. So my mind began to wander to tactics that might sabotage any potential offers.

The following list does NOT REFLECT HOW I FEEL about the country or culture, but are sure-fire tactics to kill a Brazilian job interview dead in its tracks:

  1. Offer to help them “Americanize” their department so they can be more productive.
  2. Tell them you haven’t learned Portuguese yet because you are just too lazy.
  3. Tell them you haven’t learned Portuguese yet because the next new novella hasn’t come out yet.
  4. Work into the conversation how you think futbol is for morons.
  5. Work into the conversation how fejioada makes you barf.
  6. Work into the conversation how brigadeiro makes you barf.
  7. When asked where you see yourself in five years, say “not in Brazil.”
  8. Mention how great you think it is that Brazil elected a female president – Lula.
  9. Mention how great you think it is that Brazil recently elected a lesbian president.
  10. Ask to end the interview in a prayer, the final stanza being “And dear God please get me out of this country.”

I’m pretty sure that most of the above tactics would also work when wanting to end a bad date with a Brazilian.

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